How To: Dress For A Festival

How To: Dress For A Festival

Need a hot summer festival look? Then, listen up readers, because our “How To” gal Loani Arman has all the style advice you need!


Cutting off your wristband at the end of a festival is a rookie error. If you’re ready to impress, then you’ll rock up wearing wristbands from every other festival you’ve ever been to. Why? Because the more wristbands you wear, the more you know about music, and the more you deserve to be alive. Don’t worry festival virgins - you can redeem your lack of cred by wearing hospital wristbands. Be sure to respond to questioning looks by screaming, “I lost a kidney for this festival. DID YOU?”


Sure, it’s raining and the temperatures are ball-shrinkingly cold, but that’s no excuse to cover up. Get your ‘bits’ on display! Your arse flapping out the back of your shorts is SO last season. This year, it’s all about the nipple. Not plural. Singular. Just one is all the rage. For shyer guys and gals, a nipple cover will be your friend. Make it heart-shaped and tasselled, and you’ll have people shoving drink tickets into your panties.


Model types strutting around Glastonbury have made the bohemian look a popular choice for festival goers. C’mon Australia! Let’s take this a step further, and go all the way to homeless town! Don’t shower for two weeks, rub your clothes in urine, put half a ham sandwich in your hair, and you’ve got the look made. Bring a shopping trolley and a cardboard box along, and you’ve also got yourself a pretty pimpin’ set up for the camp site.


Been googling “festival looks” for weeks, and still can’t decide what to wear? You need to take the fashion-overdose approach! Feathers; Denim Shorts; Fluro Leggings; Reading Glasses you don’t need, Knee High Gumboots, and Giraffe Masks can all be worn together in a look that’s so contrived, you’ll probably get a gold star for effort. Throw in some face paint, and you’ll catch the eye of photographers covering the festival for their websites. Think of all the fun you’ll have searching the net for those pics! Oh, and all the tagging you’ll get to do! Whooo!


You’ve got a belly full of beer. The toilet’s a whole five metres away. You’ve long dreamed of a day when some glorious angel offers you a toilet solution that also works as a fashion statement. Readers, your angel is here. Yes, it’s me, and yes my solution is an Adult Diaper! No longer the domain of the elderly, diapers are your answer to not missing a minute of music. Integrate the diaper into your entire look by dressing up as a baby, and you have yourself a hot festival style that screams “I can poo in my pants and party for the long haul!”
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