Toilet anxiety Last page

  • harto wrote on 4 Aug '10, 16:48 report
    Scenario: Your workplace toilet has two side-by-side cubicles. It's a standard office toilet arrangement: from one cubicle you can hear/smell "everything" that happens in the other.

    You enter the toilet to discover that one of the cubicles is occupied, i.e. somebody is pooing. Do you:

    a) Respectfully retreat from the toilet area and return when the pooper has finished; or

    b) Immediately enter the second cubicle and begin pooing; or

    c) same as b), but also wait in silence while the original pooper endures the humiliation of wiping their arse while you SIT and LISTEN
  • harto wrote on 4 Aug '10, 16:48 report
    you fucking IDIOT
  • random poster wrote on 4 Aug '10, 17:02 report
    weird topic. Lisa will be with you as soon as she can.
  • caroline cuntley wrote on 4 Aug '10, 17:12 report
    I'm horribly pee shy, so definitely an A... even if it's touching cloth...
  • andrew wrote on 4 Aug '10, 18:22 report
    thread of the year thus far
  • random poster wrote on 4 Aug '10, 18:27 report
    Andrew is the king of this forum.
  • fallon wrote on 4 Aug '10, 18:32 report
    Is it weird to poo with headphones on?

    I've not done it, but it could either greatly ease the public-toilet shitting process, or greatly exacerbate it's difficulties.
  • andrew wrote on 4 Aug '10, 18:43 report
    Andrew is the king of this forum.
     
    Not after that I'm not.
    Behold the new anointed one.
  • random poster wrote on 4 Aug '10, 18:54 report
    nah man it's always been based on total postcount and associated presence. I fail at both.
  • random poster wrote on 4 Aug '10, 19:01 report
    aaah I mean, of course, your regency.
  • glen20 wrote on 4 Aug '10, 19:15 report
    FINALLY! I have a similiar situation at my work, because you can never tell if someone is in there shitting as the entrance is obscured. So it is a lottery whether someone is in there with their big flabby arse hovering over stained porcelain when you enter.
    Retreating is the only way to go. I can not understand the people that will quite happily dump barely a metre from someone else doing the same.
    i mean if you never saw that person again, but you have to work with these people and look them in the eye
    "i know what your insides smell like"
    no. no. no.
  • dirty sanchez wrote on 4 Aug '10, 20:44 report
    Who are these shameless twits that proudly shit next to people? deviants!
  • harto wrote on 4 Aug '10, 22:33 report
    If it's a 3-cubicle arrangement then I think it's OK, so long as the middle one is left as a buffer. But yes, as G20 says - why? Why? Why? Why would you do it?
  • lisa wrote on 4 Aug '10, 23:37 report
    Yes it's all very odd. I would go with 'a' if it were someone I knew a bit but not in a hugely relaxed way. A stranger would get 'c' but certain friends would get 'd' which would involve talking and laughing to relieve the tension and hide any ploppy noises.

    OK, how about this situation: Yourself and your friend are driving back to your/their house and you both dearly need to poo. You both want to be polite and considerate to the other and not wierd or creepy. Is it best to:

    a) Offer to poo first; or

    b) Offer to poo last

    I would go with option 'b' because then they get a fresh, cool seat and don't have to smell your poo, but once this very situation did actually really happen! and I chose option 'b' and was told some months later by my companion that it was a really wierd, creepy thing for me to do because I forced him to reveal his poo-smell to me. I was a bit surprised and weirded out.
  • dirty sanchez wrote on 4 Aug '10, 23:58 report
    If it's a 3-cubicle arrangement then I think it's OK, so long as the middle one is left as a buffer. But yes, as G20 says - why? Why? Why? Why would you do it?

    Yeah but what if you are in a 3-cubicle toilet, you go in first to the 1st one or the 3rd one and then some sicko walks in and sits in the middle cubicle?
    This happens to me a lot. When it does, I have to bail.
  • lisa wrote on 5 Aug '10, 00:06 report
    Really?! You must spend some time pooing.
  • dirty sanchez wrote on 5 Aug '10, 00:31 report
    I'm pooing as I type... th.i...s...
  • random poster wrote on 5 Aug '10, 08:05 report
    What a bunch of emos. i'm all for the 'get in there and get out' school. sure it's a less than optimal situation but backing out of a toilet and sharking around for a while loaded with a poo is fucking sick in my opinion.
  • joanna wrote on 5 Aug '10, 08:54 report
    Everybody shits.

    I never back out although I have been known to douse the toilet bowl with tissues first to lessen the plops or if feeling particularly confident it'll be a quick affair I will reach around and press flush while going so that it's like it never happened. The toilets on my ward are pretty great though, they're not cubicles but seperate sealed rooms with plenty of air freshener handy, it's not uncommon for nurses to travel from other wards across the hospital to leave a deposit or so I'm told.

    I can't believe I typed all that.
  • dork wrote on 5 Aug '10, 08:54 report
    I think i've mentioned this in the work environment thread but there is only one toilet in my part of the building. It sort of juts out into the room - so essentially you feel like you're shitting in the middle of the room. It also has a sliding door which doesn't seal tight so you can generally smell and hear everything that's going on.

    I've given up worrying, though. Like RP, I get in and get out subscribing to the "everyone does it" school of shitting. And pissing.

    Sometimes the blind kids use it...pee on the floor. On occasion.
  • benobo wrote on 5 Aug '10, 09:03 report
    Yeah, youse are daft shitters. My concern is more about whether it's cool to talk about these things intercubicle - like, "was that a lamb or a chicken kebab, mate?".
  • moby dick wrote on 5 Aug '10, 10:06 report
    I'll admit that I routinely use the wheelie zone toilet at work - complete privacy. Totally avoids the issue.
    I'm not too squeamish about it, I can handle a bit of noise an a bit of smell. But when someone is heavy breathing, grunting and stinking up the place, even a couple of cubes away, it's a bit off.
  • andrew wrote on 5 Aug '10, 10:07 report
    nah man it's always been based on total postcount and associated presence. I fail at both.
    aaah I mean, of course, your regency.

    Assumng I was talking about you? tut tut me dear, I dips me lid to the GOD-LIKE GENIUS who set this thread in motion
  • andrew wrote on 5 Aug '10, 10:08 report
    motion

    #martywang
  • mr finnigan wrote on 5 Aug '10, 13:32 report
    Whenever I piss next to a chap at the RSL all me farts come out too. Quite often a bloke will shake my hand in the shitter after I have rumbled with the glorious shits of the gods!
  • frank daft wrote on 5 Aug '10, 13:35 report
    Just charge in and scream out "Clear the deck i got a turtle head here!!"

    Did i tell everyone about the time i drew mud at work?
  • lisa wrote on 5 Aug '10, 13:46 report
    Hehe! Tell us, Frank.
  • frank daft wrote on 5 Aug '10, 14:14 report
    I'd rather not....

    .. Lets just say One of my workmates found a good bag in a trolley so i was hoofing into it like a champ then decided to blow a joint.
    Next minute I'm walking along gathering up some trolleys and i feel a fart come on, there was no one around so i thought I'd see how loud i cold make it and SPLAT, mud, not pebble, volcanic mud.
    Oh god.
    I went to the corner of the carpark and hid in the bushes, dropped my trousers and slinged my undies off into the shrubs then just sat there until it was time to knock off, there was no way i was going back inside with a big brown smelly stain on the back of my pants!

    Then a few days later i managed to spill a glass of goon all over my crutch while i was working giving the illusion that i pissed my self.
    I'm such a dero!
  • lisa wrote on 5 Aug '10, 14:17 report
    hehehe! Awesome.
  • dirty sanchez wrote on 5 Aug '10, 15:05 report
    It's better to have pissed and lost than never to have shat at all..
  • chaichaichai wrote on 5 Aug '10, 15:25 report
    Is it weird to poo with headphones on?

    I've not done it, but it could either greatly ease the public-toilet shitting process, or greatly exacerbate it's difficulties.

    How about when youre on the bus and you squeeze one out (a Fart) thinking no-one can hear it coz your blasting some toons through your lug holes....
  • lisa wrote on 5 Aug '10, 15:34 report
    I like it when people fart on the toilet and it sounds really loud. I remember that happening once and I was trying so hard not to crack up laughing I did a loud snort, and that was probably worse. And I came out of my cubicle with eyes watering.
  • iila olive wrote on 5 Aug '10, 20:47 report
    my boss has three ways of letting us know he is going to the toilet
    1- ''i'm just ducking into my office''
    2-''i need to pee''..announced in a forrest gump accent, usually he states that he is forrest gump and then repeats the line.
    3- ''i'm just sending a fax to werribee'' (werribee is home to melbourne's largest sewage plant, he explained to me on my first day)

    all three make me SICK.

    on a side note, i don't appreciate people who leave their huge stinking morning wee in the toilet to save water and i don't appreciate sitting on a warm toilet seat when there is still a rancid scent in the air.
  • wrote on 6 Aug '10, 10:42 report
    This just in:
    1. Everybody shits
    2. Everybody's shit stinks
    3. Everybody knows that you shit and that your shit stinks.
    Christ on a skateboard, get over yourselves. Most of you are also wankers, and many of you give it or take it up the arse. Big deal.
  • tightpanties wrote on 6 Aug '10, 11:14 report
    What a bunch of emos. i'm all for the 'get in there and get out' school. sure it's a less than optimal situation but backing out of a toilet and sharking around for a while loaded with a poo is fucking sick in my opinion.

    I'm with you Randy.
    It is awful when you filth a bowl though and the person waiting for the loo gets to id you before entering the putrid cubicle.toilets should be teflon coated to avoid this embarrassment. I was at theatre royal and there was a queue and I went in after a girl who ( I assumed) filthed the bowl. She looked embarrassed and when I went in I saw why. I must admit, I thought YUCK! then pictured her embarrassed face and thought how she would see me exit the loos into the foyer and would know I knew her pooey secret and how this must be very a very embarrassing way to make a first impression on someones memory but glad it was not me. So when I flushed after a wee, the FILTH WAS STILL THERE. I tried flushing a few times but nothin, the poo wouldn't budge. So I exited the loo, embarrassed that the next girl entering would think it was me who flithed and I suddenly realised that the silent but deadly poo shame cycle would then pass to her if she could not get the shit to flush either. it was enlightening. I never knew there was such a thing as poo shame by proxy till then.
  • dirty sanchez wrote on 6 Aug '10, 11:18 report
    You were the poo patsy.
  • harto wrote on 6 Aug '10, 13:00 report
    This just in:
    1. Everybody shits
    2. Everybody's shit stinks
    3. Everybody knows that you shit and that your shit stinks.
    Christ on a skateboard, get over yourselves. Most of you are also wankers, and many of you give it or take it up the arse. Big deal.
    This is group therapy, buddy! Your attitude is not appreciated here!
  • dirty sanchez wrote on 6 Aug '10, 13:05 report
    I completely lost respect for Welende after he farted on my balls.
  • dork wrote on 6 Aug '10, 14:46 report
    I never knew there was such a thing as poo shame by proxy till then.

    That's the worst. I guess you have a couple of choices here. You can accept the shame and hold your head high. Or, upon entering, makea big deal about how filthy it is. Yell out "oh gross, what a mess!" or something as equally absurb.

    Sure, you'll completely mortify the poor person before you, but you wont get the blame.
  • lisa wrote on 6 Aug '10, 15:19 report
    If it's possible I just clean it up. The thought of splashback from someone else's poo-water is motivation enough.
  • mr finnigan wrote on 6 Aug '10, 15:41 report
    Weeing off a poo-poo stain is priceless!
  • caroline cuntley wrote on 6 Aug '10, 16:09 report
    Weeing off a poo-poo stain is priceless!

    Arj Barker does a great routine about how it's every guys duty to "Piss the shit off"
  • dirty sanchez wrote on 6 Aug '10, 16:23 report
    I bet he does.
  • benobo wrote on 6 Aug '10, 17:34 report
    I bet he doesn't.
  • mr finnigan wrote on 7 Aug '10, 08:58 report
    Pardon my french ladies but Arj Barker should be sent back to Iraq where he belongs. Turn the boats back the Gilliwogs are invading!
  • andrew wrote on 7 Aug '10, 10:48 report
    This just in:
    1. Everybody shits
    2. Everybody's shit stinks
    3. Everybody knows that you shit and that your shit stinks.
    Christ on a skateboard, get over yourselves. Most of you are also wankers, and many of you give it or take it up the arse. Big deal.
    This is group therapy, buddy! Your attitude is not appreciated here!


    have you not heard of 'tough love' cocky?
  • harto wrote on 7 Aug '10, 14:10 report
    I'm just in a very fragile place right now, you see
  • caroline cuntley wrote on 7 Aug '10, 17:58 report
    I bet he shits... The shitter!
  • saturn wrote on 7 Aug '10, 18:16 report
    I had to shit on someone else's shit once. The toilet off the Hobart mall wasn't flushing. I was stuck. If I'd left and someone had seen me they would have thought I was the non flusher. I had to sit less than 30cm above a miss mass of a strangers and my poo until it was all quiet and I could get out. Fucking Hobart.
  • pang wrote on 7 Aug '10, 18:19 report
    Haven't the Japanese been worrying about shitting for years? Perhaps you need to organise a fact finding mission. Propose it to your boss at your next evaluation.
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